


Modern Era Hogwarts - A Snape love story

by Lost_Star97



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Voldemort, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Smut, F/M, First Love, First Relationship, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Severus Snape - Freeform, Severus Snape Has a Heart
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-23
Updated: 2019-03-12
Packaged: 2019-05-12 23:32:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 20,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14737887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lost_Star97/pseuds/Lost_Star97
Summary: You are a sixth year student at Hogwarts set in the modern time (IE. computers, phones, and so on) You have a crush on Snape but no one knows. You come from a Muggle family that wants you to go to Art school after Hogwarts. You're good at Charms and Defense Against the Dark Arts but your best subject is Potions.





	1. Drawing My Professor

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first FanFic so please be nice. Other than that, enjoy!

Potions class was my favorite class of the day and the reason for that was the Potions Master himself. Not that he knew of my feelings. Not that anyone did. No, I could never find the courage to tell even my best friend.

Professor Severus Snape wasn’t exactly the favorite teacher for most of Hogwarts. In fact, sometimes it seemed like most of the student body was terrified of the broody professor. Everyone, but me.

With his sharp tongue, quick wit, and cutting sarcasm I couldn’t blame anyone really. Snape seemed perfectly well with the students thinking him the world’s biggest arcehole. The thing I didn’t understand was how nobody else ever saw the shadows that danced in his gaze? The flickers of long buried pain that flashed in his dark —almost black— brown eyes? The old sadness that seemed to scream from his very soul?

He needed a friend, someone to trust and open up to. Yet while the other Professors clearly respected him, I could tell that he kept that wall of ice up around them too. I frowned, hurting for the boy that needed the ice. Because I knew that walls that strong and cold never formed as so over night. The man wrapped the cold around himself because the boy needed it protect himself at some point in the past.

“Miss L/N, can you tell me the purpose of a Sleeping Draught potion?”

“Yes, Sir. The purpose of a Sleep Draught potion is to make the drinker quickly fall asleep.” I answered. I've known a lot about Sleeping Draughts since I started my first year at Hogwarts. Ever since I was little I've had trouble sleeping and the medication my doctor prescribed always left me feeling sick. The Sleeping Draught was the plan B I needed.

He nodded, satisfied with my answer. “Ten points to Hufflepuff.” He said before moving on with his lesson.

I smiled slightly, glad I could help my house, before going back to my sketch of Snape. Everyone was always said I was a gifted in drawing but I still didn’t like showing people my work. I was afraid they would see all my sketches of Snape and think I was weird. Of course I drew the other professors too yet he was my favorite to draw.

At the end of class I closed my journal, pack up my things, and end for the door with everyone else.

“Miss L/N? Stay a moment.” Snape called, from his desk.

I bit my lip, not wanting to be late for Defense Against the Dark Arts but at the same time I knew Professor Lupin would understand if I told him I was with Snape. Lupin was good like that.

“Yes, Professor?” I asked when the last student had left the room and the door was closed again. “Is there a problem?”

His scowled remained on his face as he stood and walked towards me. My heart raced and my mind wandered to places it shouldn’t. “I would be interested to see that book that’s apparently more important than my lesson .” He held out his hand and I paled just a bit.

Clutching my books to my chest, I took a shaky step back. “Um, Professor, it’s just my notes. Nothing of interest. Really, sir.”

He arched a perfectly formed eyebrow. “Then you should have no problem handing it over.”

Seeing how I didn't think he was going to change his mind, I did. I held my breath as he flipped through the pages. I thanked my lucky stars that one was only my sketchbook. If he had my diary instead I would've surely died when he broke all the magical locks I had on it.

As it were, the way he was scanning the pages and glancing at me had me nervous in and of itself. Nobody ever saw my drawings. They were a piece of me I chose not to have on open display.

When he closed the book and handed it back, I don’t know what I was expecting but it sure as hell wasn’t what he said next.

“Keep it closed during class. Dismissed.” I thought at the very least he would subtract house points or give me detention. A simple warning was _never_ the _only_ thing he did.

As such, it took me a moment to come out of my shock. “Y-yes, sir.”

He didn’t respond as he walked back to his desk and started grading papers. Casing one more long, confused look at the raven haired man, I hurried out of the class and down the corridor. Wondering what had put the notoriously grumpy professor in a better mood because it couldn’t have been my notebook.

Could it?


	2. Dinner Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You are a sixth year student at Hogwarts set in the modern time (IE. computers, phones, and so on) You have a crush on Snape but no one knows. You come from a Muggle family that wants you to go to Art school after Hogwarts. You're good at Charms and Defense Against the Dark Arts but your best subject is Potions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't promise all the chapters will be this quick because I'm also a full time college student but chapter two is done. As always be nice please.

The rest of classes for the day passed quickly and quietly compared to Potions. Of course that may have been because I spent the rest of the day with my head in the clouds wondering what Snape was thinking when he saw my notebook. It was still odd to me that he didn’t punish me at all. In the past, anybody not paying attention least lost house points when they were first caught and then got detention if they kept it up. I got neither.

By the time dinner rolled around I was completely consumed with the quandary presented by my after class talk with Snape. I just couldn’t believe he just let me go. I was so lost in my thoughts it took my friend Camila waving her hand in my face to bring me back down to earth.

“Y/N? Are you okay?” She asked, frowning in concern. “You’ve barely touched your food. What’s wrong?”

I blinked, shook my head, forced a smile at the girl who was more like a sister than a friend. “I’m fine. Just thinking about… stuff. Classes, students, teachers.” As I said that, my gaze flicked to the professor’s table to settle on a certain broody raven haired man that had fascinated me since my very first day.

I found him watching me in return.

Our eyes caught, held. Dark brown locking with e/c.

I flushed red hot and looked away shyly after a couple of moments. Camila didn’t even seem to notice as she was distracted by a Hufflepuff boy she liked in our year. I sighed, absently pushing my food around without eating.

“So, what did Snape want today?” She asked after pulling herself away from her crush. Her cheeks were flushed too and she had a goofy lovestruck grin on her face.

I shrugged. “Nothing really. He just told me to keep my notebook put away during class.”

Her pale blue eyes widened just a little. “Did he take house points?”

I shook my head and lowered my voice. “No. He didn’t. He flipped through my book but that was all. No deductions; no detention; no punishments. He just gave me a warning before sending me on to my next class.”

She pursed her lip in thought before grinning widely with a gleam in her eyes. “Maybe he was so impressed with your skill and talent that he didn’t want to punish you.”

I gave her a small smile. “Thanks, Cam. What would I do without you?”

“Live your life without my wit and charm.” My blonde friend quipped. I laughed, lips forming into a large smile.

“How would I ever survive?” I joked, resting my forearms on the table.

“You wouldn’t. Not really. You need me, Y/N.”

I finally pushed away the meal I barely touched. “I do. But don’t forget. You need me too.”

"Of course but you need me more." She watched me with a quizzical expression. “Are you sure you’re okay? I mean, I can’t remember the last time you skipped a meal.”

That was because it almost never happened. I was an emotional eater so I could normally beat half the guys when I was stressing about about something. “I’m just… not hungry right now.” I lied. In truth I was starving but I was finding it hard to eat tonight with Snape so close. “You ready to head back to the common room? We can play little wizard’s chess before lights out.”

Camila beamed. “Sure, but you hate wizard’s chess.”

I snorted as we started to stand. “I hate chess period. But I know you like it and it’s been awhile since we played.”

Her smile grew even wider if that were possible. “Have I told you much I love you?” We looped our arms as we headed out laughing.

But just before we left the dining hall completely, I turned my head back towards the professor’s table. Snape with talking to Flitwick but as if he felt my gaze, he looked look and over. Our eyes locked again until Camila pulled me from the room and the gaze that sent butterflies fluttering inside my belly and turned my brains to mush.


	3. Remember the First

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You are a sixth year student at Hogwarts set in the modern time (IE. computers, phones, and so on) You have a crush on Snape but no one knows. You come from a Muggle family that wants you to go to Art school after Hogwarts. You're good at Charms and Defense Against the Dark Arts but your best subject is Potions.

Weirdly, I won wizard’s chess which surprised both of us. Camila just sort of stared at the board after the game, too stunned to do anything else for a moment. When she finally looked up I saw a dazed, far away glaze in her eyes.

“You… you beat me.” She mumbled before she shook off her shock. She beamed. “The student surrpasses the master. Congratulations.”

I snorted. “I think I just got lucky, Cam. You’re still the better player.”

Shrugging, she waved her wand and the pieces fixed themselves for a new game. “Wanna play again?”

I stood, stretching my muscles as I did. “I can’t. Mom and Dad want me to call them before lights out.” I paused, looked around the room and smiled. “Hey Nick, why don’t you take my place?” I asked the boy sitting on the couch with his textbook open. He looked up, glasses reflecting the light as he glanced over.

“What? Oh. Uh, sure, Y/N.” He looked over at Camila and smiled. “If it’s okay with you?”

She bit her lip and nodded, that same dopey lovesick smile on her face again. “Sure, Nick. It’ll be fun.”

I smiled as I backed out of the room, pleased with myself. The two of them have been smitten with each other since second year but both were too shy to doing anything about it. This was the first step in one of my many plans. Next I had to get them to go out on a real date. Maybe to Hogsmeade.

I pondered how I could pull it off as I wandered up to my room and logged into Skype on my laptop. I was just pulling my long h/c hair back in a low ponytail when my video call connected.

“Hi, Sweetheart! How are classes?” Mom asked as she cuddled into Dad on the loveseat. “How are your friends?”

I smiled at them. Most kids were grossed out by their parents kissing but I loved how in love they still were. A week ago they told me they were having a baby and I was so happy for them and that I would have a new baby brother or sister in a few months.

“Classes are great and so are my friends. Remember how I told you I was finally going help Camila and Nick get together? Well, I put the first stage of plan into action tonight. They’re downstairs right now playing wizard’s chess.” I gushed, happy to be talking to them.

I loved my Hogwarts family but I cherished the time I spent catching up with my parents. By the time I finished relaying everything we had been talking for half an hour. I could tell they were glad I was having such a good time.

“Honey, that’s wonderful! Have you given any thoughts to how you wanna paint you baby sister’s or brother’s room?” Dad asked, a smile of his own touching his lips.

I beamed, letting out a happy squeal. “You decided? Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you! I love you both so much! Thank you!” If they were here I would have thrown myself at them by now, hugging them like crazy.

They laughed, delighted in my joy.

We finally said our last goodbyes a few minutes later so I could start sketching out some ideas. I wanted it to be perfect. While I was working my mind started to wander. I was thinking about the odds that my baby sibling how also get into Hogwarts which in turn led to me thinking about the day I first got to Hogwarts. From finding the train and meeting Camila to being placed in Hufflepuff and meeting Snape for the first time.

I stopped drawing as the memories washed over me and I was thrust back in time.

 

***

_“Mom! Dad! Come on! I don’t wanna miss the train!” I told them excitedly as I pushed my cart towards Platform 9¾. I had gotten my Hogwarts letter six days ago on my birthday and since then I couldn’t stop talking about what it might be like._

_Mom had her camera dangling from her wrist as I spotted other kids disappearing into one of the columns. My eyes got big and wide. “One more picture, sweetie.”_

_“There it is!” I squealed right as Mom snapped the picture._

_Dad came over and wrapped his arms around me. His warm breath tickled the top of my head. “Love you, Honey pie. Have fun; learn lots; make friends; then come home.”_

_I knew from the husky tone of his voice that he was crying. I wrapped my arms around his middle in a tight bear hug and knew I would miss them. “I love you too, Dad. Promise I’ll be back at the end of the year.”_

_“We are so proud of you, Y/N.” He pulled back a little and cupped my cheek in his palm. “Call us. We want to know everything.” Kissing my forehead before releasing me to Mom._

_“I love you, Baby girl. Never forget that. Be safe and if anyone gives you trouble over there, you tell me.” She wrapped me in a hug and squeezed me tight. “I’ll sic your father on them after I have my turn.”_

_That caused a giggle to escape. “Love you too, Mom. I’ll be fine.”_

_She released me, so I could hurry towards the entrance. I looked back one more time before I lost sight of them when I ran into the column._

_I gasped the first time I saw the train. It was amazing and awe inspiring so much that I wanted to draw it. I pushed forward, not sure what I was meant to be doing now. I bit my lip, looking around. Surely someone could help me._

_When I saw a pale, dark haired man dressed in black ropes hope burst inside me. I walked over with burning cheeks as he stood supervising the students. “Um, ex-excuse me, s-sir?”_

_He turned his head to stare down at me. My heart raced as I tried to find my words. “Yes?”_

_I gulped. “I-I was ju-just wondering if you k-knew what I’m supposed to do now?”_

_His eyes narrowed slightly and I realized they were dark brown. When I first saw him I thought they were black. “First year.”_

_I nodded, trembling only a bit. “Yes, sir.”_

_“Put your stuff with the others and board the train.” The dark eyed man pointed off to the side where I saw other people’s things._

_“Thank you, sir.” I whispered, pushing my stuff over towards the others. Before I boarded however, I paused. “My name is Y/N. Y/N L/N. Nice to meet you, sir.”_

_He didn’t take my outheld hand but he didn’t ignore me either. “Professor Snape, Potions Master.”_

_I beamed. “Nice to meet you, Professor Snape!”_

_He shot me a look that was hard to read. “You’re holding up the line.”_

_I glanced behind me and he was right. “Oh. Sorry, Professor.”_

_Getting on the train, I claimed the first room that was empty and stared out the window, back to thinking about Hogwarts. I wondered what my room would look like, what house I would be sorted into, who my professors would be, and what kind of friends I would have. I smiled, wishing the train would hurry up and go already._

_“Can, can I sit with you? Sorry but everywhere else was taken and I don’t like being by myself.” Asked a voice as she poked her head into the room with a nervous smile._

_I glanced over in surprise that I was so lost in my thoughts I didn’t hear the door open again. “Of course! I’m Y/N.”_

_The girl smiled back, still shyly, but no less warmly. “Nice to meet you. I’m Camila Malfoy.”_

_“Are you a first year too?” I asked when she sat across from me._

_“Uh huh. So is my brother Draco.” Playing with a strand of her hair, she sighed. “He wants to be a Slytherin.”_

_I tilted my head. “What do you want?”_

_Her smile widened then it dimmed. “Nobody apart from my mom had ever asked me that. I’m Draco’s invisible twin sister. Sometimes I feel like people don’t even know he has a sister, let alone a twin. I'm just his mirror lost in the shadows.”_

_I didn’t like the sadness in her voice or the darkness in her eyes. “So, what house do you want to be sorted in?”_

_“Hufflepuff. I want to move out of the shadow of my family. The Malfoys are one of the most entitled families in the wizarding world. I’m hoping to prove that I’m not like that.” Camila traced one of the flower patterns on her dress, looking a little less sad._

_“Entitled? Why would they feel entitled?” I frowned._

_She looked decidedly uncomfortable. “Malfoys are one of the few pure blood families left. Most are mixblood. Some are muggle-born.”_

_“Is there something wrong with that? Being muggle-born, I mean.” I bit my lip._

_Her eyes widened. “No! Most definitely not! Malfoy’s and some other pures just like to use it as a status symbol.”_

_“Oh. So if we were to be friends would your family not like me because I’m a muggle-born?” I asked, sad. All my excitement and this never once crossed my mind._

_“Well, Dad and Draco might not like you right away but Mom probably will. You’re nice and polite. Plus, I like you. Do you really want to be friends?” She leaned forward eagerly, hope lighting her eyes from within._

_I leaned forward too. “Yes. Most definitely.”_

_We grinned at each other and spent the rest of the trip sharing stories and facts._

_Hogwarts looked magical and the dining hall was stunning. It appeared straight out of a fairytail and I found I could watch the ceiling forever. The night sky was amazing tonight. One of the other girls that was also a first year pointed out that it was a spell that did it. And I was awed over everything magic could do._

_We followed a large man with brown hair up to the front where there was a stool with an old hat sitting on it. My eyes lingered on the hat as I nudged Camila next to me._

_“Is that the Sorting Hat?” I whispered, with the awe dripping from every word._

_She nodded and I saw the same bubbling excitement in her as well. “Yes!”_

_A man that could only be Headmaster Dumbledore stepped up to the podium “Let the sorting ceremony begin!”_

_The other students — the older students already in houses— cheered when someone was sorted into their house and I felt a smile grow on my face as I listened to all the voices around me. Everyone was so joyful and I wrapped the feeling around me, wishing today would never end._

_Draco — Camila’s brother did get sorted into Slytherin. Camila got put into Hufflepuff to which I cheered for her. By the time it was my turn though I grew silent. Butterflies warred in my stomach as I hoped for Hufflepuff. My fingers shook as I absently played with sleeve of my robe._

_The woman in green who said her name was Professor McGonagall scanned the first years left. “Y/N L/N!”_

_I jolted, hurrying up too fast when I tripped on the step and fell hard to the floor. “Oof!”_

_My face burned and I took the Professor's hand when she tried to help me up. “Are you okay, dear?”_

_I nodded with a hand pressed to my cheek to hide the blush I knew lit up my face. “Yes, Ma’am. I’m sorry.” I let her guide me to the stool and sat. I stared down at my lap while she put the hat on my head._

_“Hmm…“ The hat murmured. “Strong, brave, loyal, smart, and kind. Hufflepuff!”_

_My head rose and I smiled as I found Camila gaze. She cheered with the others of our house. I beamed, a small giggle escaping as I thanked the hat, Professor McGonagall and skipped to the Hufflepuff table._

_And just like that, as my new family welcomed me with smiles, I knew I was going to enjoy my time at Hogwarts._


	4. Stage Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You are a sixth year student at Hogwarts set in the modern time (IE. computers, phones, and so on) You have a crush on Snape but no one knows. You come from a Muggle family that wants you to go to Art school after Hogwarts. You're good at Charms and Defense Against the Dark Arts but your best subject is Potions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me a little longer because I lost a day of writing for shoulder pain and my family kept wanting me to be social. But, here it is! Chapter 4 for your reading pleasure.

Who ever said sixth year was easier than the other years was either lying or a fool. Camila and I barely had time to breathe between all the homework we had to prepare us for the N.E.W.T.s exams. By the time the weekend rolled around we were more than ready for a Butterbeer and some time to unwind after everything. And as the two of us walked into The Three Broomsticks I felt the tightness ease in my shoulders just a bit.

Halfway through the second round, I glanced up and smiled. Phase two was upon us. “Nick! Tyler! Over here!” I waved towards the shy redhead that walked in with his own best friend in tow, grinning as I did.

Tyler Candon and I had planned this out the day before in Herbology class and we were sure that it would work. Knowing that our friends were too shy to set up their first date on their own, we decided this would be the prefect place. However, when Camila’s eyes widened and her nails dug into my arm, I feared she might bolt.

“What are you doing? That’s Nick! Dreamy, handsome, smart, and kind Nick!” She whispered to me before they were in hearing distance.

I shorted, amused. “I know, Cam. He’s in our class.”

She sent me an exasperated look. “Then why are you- oh, hey guys.”

They reached us and I watched she made herself smile lest Nick think she didn’t like him. The two of them blushed when eye contact was made, which I found sweet and endearing.

“So,” I started when the lovebirds didn’t speak right away. “Can you believe I saw Draco snogging Luna when we came in? Can’t say I’m surprised but it was a shock that they would do it so openly.”

Tyler laughed. “Why not? It’s not like both their houses didn’t know. Those two were practically drowning in sexual tension. I’m just surprised it took so long. The real question is, what were Ron and Hermione doing in the back of the library?” He asked with a knowing gleam in his deep green eyes.

And so the conversion moved forward, mainly dominated by the two of us. Camila and Nick would toss something in here and there but we were doing most of the icebreaking. When we ran out of Butterbeer, Nick offered to get more for the table —I think he wanted a reprieve from us— through Tyler was quick to suggest he go since he was on the end. And because he might need help he asked me to come along. Just in case.

Their eyes narrowed on our backs as we headed for the bar and to place the order. He held out his palm for a low-five. “We are such geniuses.”

I raised an eyebrow at his boast. “They still need to start talking to each other. Don’t start gloating yet, Ty.”

“Well, if it isn’t two of my favorite students.” I jumped a little at Professor Lupin’s voice since I hadn’t been paying attention to the other patrons. “On a date?”

I shook my head quickly. “No actually. We’re setting up our friends on a date though.”

Although, Tyler was cute. Tall, slim, short wavy black, strong build, and good at magic. He would’ve been the best boyfriend if I wasn’t so hung up on another black haired guy that —I at least— deemed wonderful and dreamy.

“Playing cupid are we?” He asked with a laugh.

I smiled. “They’ve liked each other since second year but were too shy to do anything about it. We’re just speeding up the inevitable”

“We came get more drinks while they talked.” Tyler added, leaning back against the bar, watching the lovebirds from the corner of his eye. “Maybe we should have started with texting.”

I frowned. “That is how most of the dating apps do it...” I murmured, second guessing the plan. “The face to face meeting doesn’t happen so soon in the apps and it would have given them a chance to find common ground.”

The two of them did a doubletake at my words, no doubt wondering how I knew so much about muggle dating apps. It seemed they forgot that I was a muggle-born and that life here was still new to me. Odd. “I do research. And reading about dating apps is a good way to learn how to set two people up.” I had to defend myself and my research because let's face it, who else would?

And, well, since I doubted the guy I liked with every beat of my heart would ever feel the same way, I’d tried —and failed— to find another  _ objet de mon amour _ . Professor Severus Snape may as well have been a distant Solar System because we were lightyears apart.

“Yeah, but why dating apps?” Tyler wanted to know, puzzled. “It just seems more like something the muggles would do.”

I quirked an eyebrow. “You do know I’m a muggle-born, right?”

He flushed, looking ashamed that he’d forgotten that fact. “Oh, yeah. Sorry, it’s just you don’t always seem like a muggle-born at times. I mean, not like Granger. She’s a muggle-born and you just know she trying to overcompensate for it by being so much like a miss know-it-all. You’re quieter. You know alot but you don’t feel the need to prove it.”

“Hermione’s not that bad.” I defended. “And she had lightened up over the years. She’s first in our class.”

“Check again, Miss L/N.” Lupin added. “You passed her with Potions.”

My eyes widened as his words struck home. “Really? I didn’t even notice with everything else going on.”

He nodded.

“Wow.” I wasn’t expecting that. Hermione and I were friends and tended to compete in grades yet I didn’t think either one of us ever thought I would pass her. And yet, why not? She’s commented more than once that I was better at potions. “That’s… That’s a amazing.”

Lupin smiled, standing up after finishing his drink. “Glad I could make your day.”

“Thank you, Professor, for telling me.” I was grinning broadly when we returned with the drinks.

Tyler and I shared a look when we slid into the same side because Camila had moved over to sit next to Nick, showing him something on her laptop. We shared a low-five under the table.

Stage two was complete.


	5. Brewing Trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You are a sixth year student at Hogwarts set in the modern time (IE. computers, phones, and so on) You have a crush on Snape but no one knows. You come from a Muggle family that wants you to go to Art school after Hogwarts. You're good at Charms and Defense Against the Dark Arts but your best subject is Potions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait but I was busy stressing out over finals (one week left) and haven't had a whole lot of time. But I finally finished it so here it is for your reading enjoyment.

When the four of us started to head back up to the school, Camila and Nick were laughing in their own world and I felt sure that there would be second date in the near future. Tyler clearly did too because he was grinning like a fool the whole way, hands shoved in his pockets and head thrown back to watch the sky.

I just smiled. Glad that everyone was happy and content. Unlike some, I didn’t need to be front and center in a group or fill the silence with random chatter. I was made to be in the shadows. Working at a thousand different things so that other people’s lives ran smoothly. It was peaceful to me.

When we got back to the castle, I parted with my friends to head to the potions room. Last night I drank the last of my Sleeping Draught and I needed to brew more.

The room was thankfully empty when I walked in. Snape must have turned in early for the night because he was usually here until lights out. I started setting up what I would need and soon fell into a trance-like state where it was just me and the spell.

A Sleeping Draught was easy for me these days after the six years I’d been making it. I found that, unlike some of the other students, I liked the rules and structure necessary for the subject. Potions were finite and that calmed me. Maybe it was just the lovesick girl in me but I felt I could relax, truly let myself just  _ be _ in Snape’s class.

“Miss L/N.” The voice caused me to jump and for goosebumps to dance up my arms. “It’s nearly lights out.”

My shoulders stiffened slightly but it wasn’t from fear. “There’s still another half hour, Professor. I’ll be done by then.”

I prayed he wouldn’t ask. “With what, Miss L/N?”

Biting my lip, I finished the potion and turned to my professor but couldn’t meet his eyes. “A Sleeping Draught, sir.”

The second question I didn’t want him to ask fell from his lips. “Why?”

I hesitated. Nobody at Hogwarts, save for Camila, knew and I wanted it to stay t way. “It’s… personal, sir. I would really rather not—”

The stern look he gave me made me want to tell him, if only to stop the probing suspicion in his gaze. I shifted on my feet, wishing I hadn’t braided my hair before starting the potion. Having a curtin blocking his face would help my thinking process immensely. As it was, I just stared at my converse high tops.

“Why?” He asked again, arms crossed over his chest. “Veritaserum maybe forbidden to use on students but there are other ways to learn the truth, if you still refuse.”

I gulped. I would spill all of my deepest secrets. Not only the reason I was here tonight but also my deep unwavering love for the man in front of me. My teacher. I shook my head, not liking that outcome. Taking in a deep breath, I opened my mouth to speak.

“I-I’ve had sleeping trouble my whole life. My brain just wouldn’t turn off at night. When I was six my parents took me to a doctor that gave me sleeping pills. The pills made me feel sick yet they worked. When I learned to brew a Sleeping Draught though, I was sleeping better than I had in my whole life, even with the pills.”

“During the school year I make more as needed, during the breaks I make enough until I can get back here. It’s worked for six years. Nobody but Camila knows and I… I wanted to keep it that way.

“I’m sorry for sneaking into your classroom all these years, Professor.”

As I finished my tale, I ducked my head again to avoid the piercing eyes I always admired . I awaited my punishment, knowing it would be fair because that was who he was. Broody as hell, but fair.

“Detention after dinner for one week for stealing ingredients and another week for breaking into my classroom. Ten points will also be taken from Hufflepuff.”

Biting my lip, I nodded. “Yes, Professor.”

He cleared his throat. “Finish. Then go back to your common room. You will ask next time .” The order was clear.

“Yes, Professor. Thank you.” I poured the Draught into a bottle and packed up my stuff.

Snape sat at his desk grading papers while I hurried around the room, putting away jars and supplies. It was as I was putting away the Flobberworm Mucus that the problems arose. I stood at a solid 5 foot 4, a very curvy 5 foot 4, and the shelf was much too far from my reach. No matter how I stretched, I wasn’t getting the Mucus up there.

“Give it here before you drop it.” I jumped. His voice was closer than I was expecting.

I imagined I could feel his body heat at my back and my heart thundered against my ribs. Turning around, I chanced a glance up from under my lashes at him.

God, but he was beautiful. Did he even know? Maybe it was just hormones yet I desired him body and soul. I wanted to rip his clothes off and drown in him. Feel his hands on my smooth skin, hear his voice whisper sweet nothings into my ear, watch his body connect with mine. I wanted to belong to him on a level so deep that time and space were meaningless. To know that no matter what we would forever find each other. And that—

“Miss L/N? I don’t have all night and neither do you. The jar.” Snape’s voice broke the trace his nearness had over my senses.

My cheeks burned and I hoped he didn’t notice. “Uh, yes, of course. Here you go.” I held the jar out and as he took the glass container, his fingers brushed mine. I felt a zing of awareness that almost caused me to gasp.

If he felt it too, he hid it better. At this point I was having trouble breathing normally and wanted a paper bag so I wouldn’t hyperventilate or puke. He was still so close. Eyes boring into mine with something dark and powerful and… dare I say? Uncontrollable.

So much in his eyes. I was lost. Forever lost in the depths. I was hardly aware of my breath coming faster, heavier. My whole world was Snape. Severus Snape. Potions master of Hogwarts. Head of Slytherin house. The only man I would ever love like this. I wanted his lips. His tongue dancing with mine. Our bodies pressed together. My hands in his hair. I wanted it all and more. I was starving and he was like was a four course meal.

My lips parted, ready to tell him what I wanted, sure he did too, but I was saved by a knock at the door. In the blink of an eye he was a safe distance away with all his emotions hidden once again. I, on the other hand, was still breathing hard as I gripped the shelves for support and wondered what just happened.

A few seconds later, it all sank in and I wanted to die. I hurried over to my work area and grabbed my bag off the floor just as the knock came again and Snape yelled to come in. I noted it was Flitwick and McGonagall before I rushed past, hoping they would just assume I was trying to make curfew.

My whole body felt on fire on my way back to my room. Camila was already asleep and I exhaled in relief. I didn’t want to talk in my current state. My body was keyed up, buzzing with nerves. Even with the potion, I didn’t know how I fell asleep that night after I was done pacing.

The only thing I could think about was how I was seconds away from trying to kiss Professor Severus Snape.


	6. Who told you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You are a sixth year student at Hogwarts set in the modern time (IE. computers, phones, and so on) You have a crush on Snape but no one knows. You come from a Muggle family that wants you to go to Art school after Hogwarts. You're good at Charms and Defense Against the Dark Arts but your best subject is Potions.

_ I was on a bed softer than a cloud, warmth was all around me and I snuggled into it. I was so cold. This was the only place I was warm, where I would ever be warm. I needed to melt into it, let it wrap around me, breathe in the scent of spice and herb with a hint of male sweat. My body pressed closer, unashamedly tucking myself against the hard wall that smelled so good. _

_ I nuzzled the wall, trying to figure out what the smell was and why it was so familiar. The wall reached out and pulled me closer. I opened my eyes, surprised to find a bare chest so close. I followed the lines of muscle up to the face that owned it. Dark eyes watched me, half lidded from sleep. _

_ “Severus?” My words came out groggy and I yawned.  _

_ He smiled, sliding a hand over my hair. “Shh, go back to sleep.” _

_ His head bent and his lips barely touched my forehead. _

 

I jerked awake, a hand flying to my forehead as my breath shuddered out of me. I sat up, peering into the darkness of my room. My other roommates— including Camila— were still asleep. I tried to go back to my own slumber but when I couldn’t I was left with the choice to either wake up or use the Draught. I sighed. It was smarter to just get up now and save the potion for later. 

I rubbed at my eyes as I forced myself out of bed and towards the bathroom. Hot water would do wonders for waking me the rest of the way.

I didn’t allow myself to dwell on the events of last night. I was shaken more than a little from the dream. Not because of the content —it was Severus Snape after all— instead it the vividness of it. I didn’t know it was a dream until I woke up and even then I continued to feel the phantom touches of his hands on me. It was so perfect. The dream was everything I could’ve ever wanted.

I returned to my room dressed in my favorite sundress and flats. I planned for a day inside the library reading or maybe drawing in the Great Hall. Whatever I did, I wanted it to be relaxing before detention that night.

When Camila met me at the Hufflepuff table later she with Nick. They sat across from me with their hands intertwined. “Hi.” She greeted, pure joy in her voice.

I grinned back. “Hi.”

“So, um, Nick and I were thinking about going down to Honeydukes for the day. Alone. I know we normally spend the weekend together but well, we wanted to talk more and—” I cut her off by placing my hand on top of their on the table.

“Cam, it’s fine. I’m glad you and Nick want to hang out. I was just going to have a lazy day around here anyway. Go. Have fun and bring me back some No-Melt Ice cream.” I held her gaze so she would know I was serious.

She shook her head but there was a grin on her lips. “You and ice cream. I swear, it’s a wonder you don’t weigh two hundred pounds.”

“Jealous?” I teased. 

“Of your ability to eat nonstop sweets? Hell yeah.” She and Nick stood. “Well, we’re heading down. Have fun with your lazy day.”

A smile formed  on my lips. “Oh, I will. Snape caught me in his classroom last night and now I have detention for two weeks.”

“Bummer.” She pouted.

I shrugged. “It is what it is. Now I’m just trying to destress before then.”

“Okay then. Have fun drawing....” She paused and looked back at my paper. “What are you drawing? It looks like smoke or maybe dust with rubble falling down around a hole in the wall. A big hole.”

I glanced down at it. “I… don’t know honestly. I was just sort of spacing out.”

“Well, it’s good. Weird but good.” She smiled. “See you later.”

“Later.” I mumbled half-heartedly, still trying to puzzle out the image.

Biting my lip, I turned to a new page, deciding that thinking about it wasn’t good for my plan to have a lazy Sunday. I started a new drawing, this one of the professor’s table where Flitwick, McGonagall, and Snape sat eating and talking to one another. I was just finishing up when I felt a heavy stare fall on me. I glanced up to find dark eyes studying my form. I flushed and I found myself remembering the dream as well as the moment in the potions room before we were interrupted.

This moment felt just as powerful. I let my gaze drink him in as we continued the staring match we had going on. Nothing showed in the darkness of his gaze and I couldn’t help but wonder if mine were the same. Could he read my feelings from my eyes? If he could did that mean he knew how I felt? If he did know, why has he said nothing? Does he just not care?

Questions spun around and around in my mind. Never stopping. Never being answered. I felt like crying. Severus Snape, Potions Master of Hogwarts, may very well know and not even care about a silly girl with a schoolyard crush.

“Y/N!” I turned away as Luna Lovegood sat across from me with a bright smile in her eyes and on her face. “There you are. I thought maybe the nargles had gotten you.”

I smiled through it was weak due to my troublesome thoughts. “No, Luna. Thank you for your concern though. Where’s your worse half?”

She blinked. “You mean Draco? He’s with his friends. Why?”

I shrugged. “I thought you might be eating together after the way you were snogging last night.”

A flush spread on her cheekbones. “Oh, well, Draco said he wanted to eat with his friends today. I told him I was going to sit with you.”

My eyebrows drew together. “You guys aren’t eating together? I’m no relationship genius but shouldn’t you be?”

She shrugged. “He asked me to the Yule Ball.”

I raised an eyebrow at the change in subject but took the que and left it be. “That’s nice. You said yes?”

Nodding, she glanced at my sketch. “Has anyone asked you yet?”

“No, but it’s fine. I didn’t really want to go. Dances aren’t my thing so I was going to use that time to study.” It was somewhat true. I didn’t dance yet the real reason I wasn’t planning on going was that the only person I wanted to go with couldn’t —and wouldn’t— ask me.

“Maybe if the  _ right  _ someone asked you?” Luna’s eyes flicked to Snape and I gasped. “Don’t fear. I won’t tell.”

I dropped my voice to a low whisper. “How do  _ you _ know? I never even told Cam!”

“The nargles told me.” Another look at the sketch. “Well, and the fact that you always draw him. Even now, he’s more detailed than everyone else.”

I flushed. She was right of course. Snape was the easiest to draw because of how often I stared at him. In and outside of class. Luna, I’m serious! Don’t tell Draco, Cam, or anyone.”

I tried to make myself seem calm on the outside but I think I failed. I was way too close to a panic attack. Luna knew. She  _ knew _ . I couldn’t breathe from how terrified I was.

She tilted her head. “I won’t. Are you okay?”

“Fine.” I lied. 

Lucky for me, Draco was walking this way with one of his friends —a Slytherin boy in our year— while they chatted. He took the seat next to Luna and the other boy who’s name I thought was Douglas or Darrell sat by me.

“Hi.” Draco greeted Luna first and I watched a happy fluch spread on her cheeks. “Y/N, you know Darrell, right?”

I nodded, turning towards the boy in question. “Yeah, I’ve seen you around. Nice to meet you.”

He grinned. “You too. So, have any plans today?”

I took note of how close he was sitting coupled with the intense look in his eyes and scooted away just a bit. “Uh, just lounging around.”

His hazel eyes seemed to brighten and I cursed myself for saying the wrong thing. “Well, in that case, Draco and Luna were going to get a Butterbeer maybe… you and I could join them?”

My teeth sank into my lower lip. “Oh, uh, I was just—”

“Of course she will! Won’t you, Y/N?” The look Draco gave me pleaded with me to say yes.

I sighed. “Yeah, sure.”

Darrell beamed, closing the space between us again. “Great! So, should we leave now? Are you ready now?  I mean, we can go later if you want? What ever you—”

Draco cut him off with a look. “What he means is, we were going to leave now but we can wait if you wanna grab a coat first.”

“Oh! You’re cold! Here, take my cloak.” Oh god, he actually started to remove it.

“No, no. Darrell, it’s fine. I can just go change.” I held up a hand for him to stop but he continued to drape it over my shoulders.

“But this way you don’t need to run back to your room. We can go right there.” He gazed at me with big doe eyes and I suddenly realized I would have let him down gently because the boy had the same look in his eyes I got around Snape.

Draco was still giving me that same  _ please just go with it  _ look. Sighing, I forced a kind smile at him. “Okay, thanks, Darrell.”

As we stood, I couldn’t stop from looking over at Snape to find his eyes narrowed on Darrell. My breath caught before I could remind myself he had to be mad about something else. Then his dark, dark eyes found mine and my face burned as another kind of heat flared low in my belly. I think I stopped breathing. The world itself dropped away and all I knew was him.

Until Darrell grabbed my hand and yanked me towards himself.

“Hey!” I jerked back when I made contact with his body. “Woah, Darrell! What are you doing?”

“What do you mean? I thought you might be cold so I was going to keep you under my arm. Draco does it with Luna.” He frowned, doe eyes confused.

“Darrell, Draco and Luna are dating. We’re just friends.” I told him, using my softest tone. “I’m sorry but I just don’t see you as anything more than that.”

His face deflated. “Oh.”

“I’m sorry, Darrell. I really am.” I twisted my fingers together in front of me, mainly for something to do with them. “Do you still want to get a Butterbeer? As friends?”

Sadness still lingered in his eyes and he sighed. “I guess.”

I took his cloak off and handed it back. “Thank you, Darrell. Really. But I need to put my sketchbook in my room anyway and I don’t want you to be cold either.”

We all left together and they waited for me by the front gate as I traded my book for a cloak and the flats for matching tights and boots. I sprinted away, not wanting them to have to wait too long in the cold. I smiled when I saw them and the four of us headed down to Hogsmeade.

 

Dinner that night, I sat with Cam and Nick again but I was invisible. My best friend only had eyes for her boyfriend. I was happy for her, yet I longed to tell her what happened with Darrell. Instead I pushed around my food, taking small nibbles now and again, though I didn’t have an appetite.

Afterwards, I bid them goodbye and headed down to the dungeons for detention with the literal man of my dreams. Snape was waiting for me at his desk and glanced up from the papers around him to level that heavy gaze on me.

I paused just inside the room, feet rooted to the floor. My heart trembled in time with my hands. I’d never been alone with him before outside of normal class hours until last night. My lungs starved for air yet I couldn’t remember how to breath. Was it just me that felt the return of the cloudy haze that had wrapped us in it’s embrace?

He stood and for a moment I feared he knew what was racing inside me. The passion and lust and love only he could stir. Then he spoke and my breath rushed back when his brown orbs released mine.

“For your punishment, you will categorize every book and potion in my storeroom for the next two weeks. I suggest you don’t slack off.” He unlocked the door and I felt my mouth dropped open.

It was chaos. Organized chaos but still chaos.

Snape went back to his desk as I took a few more steps inside. With the potions alone it’d take forever. And he wanted me to do it in only two weeks.  _ “Bloody hell.” _

The whispered words escaped my mouth before I could stop them. I cursed myself for it. If Snape thought I was complaining he might decide to change the punishment and this may be the only one I wouldn’t have the temptation to stare adoringly at him. I dropped my messenger bag and dug out a notebook and pencil along with my mp3 player and headphones. I sat on the floor to start with the closest bottom shelf. It was going to be a long two hours.


	7. Be Our Guest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You are a sixth year student at Hogwarts set in the modern time (IE. computers, phones, and so on) You have a crush on Snape but no one knows. You come from a Muggle family that wants you to go to Art school after Hogwarts. You're good at Charms and Defense Against the Dark Arts but your best subject is Potions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this one took a little long than I had planned because I was fighting with a horrid case of Writer's Block. I hope you guys like it.

Camila, Nick, and I were sitting in the Great Hall one evening at dinner a week after my detention started when Dumbledore stepped up to the podium to grab the attention of the room. Everyone stopped their eating and idle gossiping at the promise of something new to gossip about.

Dumbledore addressed the room, his voice loud and strong enough to be heard all the way in the back. “Good evening, students. As I am sure you all wish to resume speaking with your fellow classmates, I’ll make this brief.” He looking towards the entrance of the Hall and a few heads followed. “In addition to hosting the Tri-wizard’s cup, Hogwarts will also be welcoming by a good and long time friend on mine. Alexander Cyrus Heathwood. Born in Romania in 1833 and died in 1856.”

My head turned and I watched, unable to look away from the man taking long strides towards the front of the room. With the time frame of his life —and the fact that he wasn’t  _ dead dead _ , the pale skin and dark eyes, combined with the graceful way he moved like he glided in on nothing but air, and I knew almost at once what the newest guest was.

Alexander Heathwood was a two hundred year old vampire that smiled with dimples in his cheeks and a sexy boy band haircut that was in danger of having nearly the entire female population falling in love with his looks alone. Nobody seemed to be able to take their eyes off him.

Not even me. 

I flipped to a new page in my sketchbook. I’d never drawn a vampire before and this was my best chance. It was impossible for me not to with the perfect model so close. Besides, my heart may belong to a certain Potions Master but Alexander was pretty good looking himself.

Dumbledore continued to speak, no doubt aware that all the attention now belonged to his vampire friend. “Alexander will be staying to watch the competition and help in the Defence Against the Dark Arts lessons…”

I tuned out the rest of speech and instead gave my whole attention over to the sketch, taking care to get every detail right that I could see. From his dark hair to his black dress shoes. When Camila turned back to me after Dumbledore sat down with his friend the professors table, the smile she gave me was all-knowing.

“So, at what point did you start working on that?” She asked, nodding down at the page.

I shrugged, trying to get the shadows just right. “DADA lessons. The whole vampiric guest thing is interesting but I got tired of the sighs of longing and dopey looks.”  _ Honestly, if I wanted to see a dopey look I would stare in a mirror and think about Snape. The Potions Master never failed to quicken my pulse. _

The twinkle of amusement in her eyes told me she saw the stares too. “Oh, they’re just excited. Alexander is kind of hot for a two hundred year old vampire and he’s not a professor or a staff member so it’s safe to fantasize about him.”

“Hey, what about me?” Nick asked with a laugh, raising her hand to his lips. “I thought you only had eyes for me?”

She blushed, the eyes in question going all soft and dopey. “You will  _ always _ be my first choice to fantasize about.”

“Anyway,” I cleared my throat. “Other than being eye candy and helping in some of the classes, I want to know why he’s really here?”

They stared me, confused.

I rolled my eyes. “The tournament takes place during the day save for the final one. Vampires burn in the sunlight. It’s one of the only things Hollywood ever got right.”

Realization dawned on their faces when they thought about it. Nick found his voice first. “But then, why else could he be here?”

“No idea. But, vampires don’t show up at Hogwarts everyday. That means the Mister Alexander Heathwood is special. I want to know why.”

“You know, I always say that that burning curiosity in you will get into trouble one of these days.” Camila reminded me. “Maybe you could just leave this one alone?”

I shook my head. “I can’t. It’d drive me mad.”

She sighed. “Yeah, I didn’t think so. Just promise me something, Y/N? Try not to get into too much trouble before the Yule ball. I know you don’t have date but that doesn’t mean you can’t still come with us.”

The thought of the ball almost made me cringe though I knew Camila would be upset if I didn’t go, or least if I didn’t have a good reason for not going, so I held back my instinctual cringe of distaste. Instead, I reached for her free hand on the table to give it a squeeze.

“I promise, Cam.”

She smiled; I smiled back.

Then I gathered up my things to start my last week of detention with Snape.


	8. What's that smell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You are a sixth year student at Hogwarts set in the modern time (IE. computers, phones, and so on) You have a crush on Snape but no one knows. You come from a Muggle family that wants you to go to Art school after Hogwarts. You're good at Charms and Defense Against the Dark Arts but your best subject is Potions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm finally done with chapter 8. I'm so, so sorry it took so long. At first it was a bad case of Writer's Doubt (if that's a real thing? I think it is but I'm not sure). I probably deleted this chapter and started over close to a hundred times and I'll probably never feel like it's completely ready. I don't have a lot confidence in myself because of issues in my past. The other reason is that my mom got back home from the hospital after having her Gallbladder removed so I've trying to be helpful around the house so she can relax more. Unfortunately, that also means I have less time to write.
> 
> Anyway, I'm just sorry it took so long for all of you. As always, I hope you like it. Enjoy.

When Camila and I walked into Potions class the next day Snape was standing next to a lidded cauldron, watching us all file into the room. As per usual, my professor drew my gaze like nobody before him ever could. I fought the compulsion to sketch the darkly dressed man even as my fingers itched.

Some did drugs, some drank until drunk, and some gambled away rent money. But me? I was addicted to drawing.

“...Was talking to Tyler at breakfast and he told Nick that he wanted to ask you to the ball.” I faintly heard Camila say over my inner musing. 

My head snapped towards her with my lips slightly parted in surprise. There was no way I heard that right. “Wait, what?”

She blinked. “What?”

Merlin give me patience. “Repeat the part about Tyler and the ball. You meant as friends, right? Cam, please tell me you meant as friends!”

Tyler Candon was smart, funny, likable, brave— a true Gryffindor, and he was handsome in a too perfect kind of way. He was also a friend. A good friend. However, that was currently the problem. I didn’t date friends.

“He likes you, Y/N. I mean, he  _ really _ likes you.” She tapped her pen on her copy of Advanced Potion-making. “I think you should give him a chance.”

I bit my lip. “I can’t. It wouldn’t be right to Tyler.”

“What do you,” she started to ask.

“Cam, my heart belongs to another. Has ever since our second year.” I sighed, thinking back. “Actually, I believe it was right before the end of our first year.”

Her eyes widened, lips parting to speak.

“Who can tell me name of this potion?” Snape asked, unknowingly saving me from Camila’s questions. Mentally, I added another reason why I loved him. I couldn’t answer those questions here.

The lid was lifted off the cauldron to reveal a potion I’d only read about before now. The pearly white sheen and spiraling steam gave away the contents better than a flashing neon sign. I was awed. 

A few hands went up. Hermione’s was, of course, one of them. I ducked my head, hoping to go unnoticed as I titled the top of my page, in pretty curly letters,  _ Amortentia _ .

“It’s Amortentia,” a student answered hesitantly when Snape called on him. He hadn’t been raising his hand.

“Can you describe the ingredients that create it?” I started to list all measurements for the ingredients while the boy sputtered. 

Logically, it wasn’t completely his fault. We hadn’t learned it yet and the only way he could have know was if he had read ahead in his textbook like myself and, apparently, Hermione because she had her hand up again. I half wondered if she might sprain her arm if she continued to pop it up that way.

I doodled shapes in my margins while Snape asked someone else, a girl —not Hermione— to list the ingredients. The girl managed to correctly remember three.

“Rose petals, peppermint oil, pearl dust,” she paused, trying to remember.

Snape raised an eyebrow. “Yes, Miss Desmond?”

The girl glanced around for help and I felt for her. I wouldn’t want to disappoint Snape either. Even if I doubted her reasons were anything like mine.

“Um, well, I only know those three, Professor.” The girl whispered, dropping her gaze to the table.

“Pity.” Snape moved back up to the front of the room. “ Rose petals, peppermint oil, pearl dust, Ashwinder eggs, and moonstone, to name a few.”

I smiled down at my paper, proud I was right. 

“Amortentia is widely known as the strongest love potion in the world. Through the term obsession potion would be more apted to describe the brew.” A sound of pens on paper could be heard as everyone scribbled furiously to capture his words. “It’s scent is different to everyone depending on what what attracts them, whether they know it or not.”

His eyes found mine in that moment. My cheeks heated to burning. The dark brown of his irises appeared black in the dim lighting but I still knew the color. I could never forget. Those eyes have been like an anchor for the past six years. First as the eyes of a professor I looked up to as I grew and then as the tall, beautiful man I starting feeling deeper things for. The darkly beautiful, brooding professor that unknowingly captured my heart.

The stare only last a second or two, not that the length mattered. I melted all the same.

“By the time class ends I expect two pages on the history of Amortentia and a complete summary of the brewing process.” We watched as he walked over to sit at his desk. “Anyone wishing to smell Amortentia may do so after class. Begin.”

Camila nugged my wrist just as I duck my head to write. I looked up in time to see her eyebrows arch and her head jerk in the direction of the potion. A grin broke across my face. I nodded. She grinned back before we started on the essay lest Snape think we were messing around.

I found that I had trouble staying focused and kept sneaking glancing at the love potion and Snape. The way his head bent over his desk, hair creating a curtain between us and him. In my mind’s eyes that dream came back to me. What would it be like to be that close to the real man? To feel real touches, not just phantom ones, from the dreamy professor. I flushed, knowing now wasn’t the time or place for such thoughts. I was hardly a closed book in regards to emotions.

I drew in a long breath, listing types of charms in my mind as a way to distract myself and forcing my mind back on the matter at hand. The essay. On Amortentia. Right. Time to focus. 

_ Focus, Y/N! _

Oh, Merlin, it was going to be a long class.


	9. So many questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You are a sixth year student at Hogwarts set in the modern time (IE. computers, phones, and so on) You have a crush on Snape but no one knows. You come from a Muggle family that wants you to go to Art school after Hogwarts. You're good at Charms and Defense Against the Dark Arts but your best subject is Potions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I started work on this late at night when I couldn't sleep and my feet hurt too much to move - I'm a sales associate at Sears - so it got done sooner than the last chapter. Hope you enjoy. As always, let me know in comments what you think.

_ Herbs, musky books, and a hint of male sweat.  _ With my eyes closed, I inhaled again. I let the scent fill me up inside, let the aroma settle in my bones. It smelt like coming home. Not the home with my parents that I loved but a different home. The kind of home that could only be found in the arms of the most intimate kind of love. The kind plays are written about. The kind people die for.

“Y/N? What’s wrong?” Camila asked from beside me. Her fingers were lightly touching my arm and the concern was obvious on her face. “You’re crying.”

I bit my lip, coming back to myself. We were the only ones left in the room save for Snape and even he was staring at me. “I-I’m okay.” I whispered but my voice still cracked.

Nobody needed to know that this was as close to Snape I’d probably ever get to be. His scent lingered with me only faintly, like  a whisper on the breeze. I wanted to bottle some of the brew —not to use, never to use— just to smell. I just wanted a piece since I couldn’t have the whole.

“Come on. Let’s get to class. Studying always makes you feel better. I swear, you could’ve been a Ravenclaw.” She joked lightly, tugging me along by my arm.

I cast one more look of longing at the potion, needed at least one last sniff, right as I was taken from the room.

I wiped at my eyes as we speed walked down the corridor. Camila, no longer holding on to me, stayed beside me and kept shooting worried looks my way as if I were a fragile doll about to shatter. I knew she was concerned though so I tried to hide how annoyed I was getting.

“Cam, I’m fine.” I repeated for what felt like the millionth time. “It just hit me harder than I thought.”

She stopped then and spun to face me. “Why? Why did the potion make you cry? Why would you not tell if something was bothering you? If you liked someone?.”

I sighed. “I can’t… talk about it here. Meet me in Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom at lunch. I’ll tell you everything then, I promise.”

It was past time to trust my best friend with the secret that could ruin me and my future in the wizarding world. Camila wouldn’t tell, I knew that like I knew the Draught of Living Death turned a pale lilac color before going clear at the completion.

“Hell, Y/N, what’s up? Why the secrecy? It’s all so cloak and dagger.”

I placed my palms on her shoulders and squeezed genty. “Cam, please.” I stared into her big blue eyes so she would know I was serious.

“Yeah, of course I will. You must really not want it to get out that you likes someone.” She mused, watching me close with an inscrutable gaze.

_ It’s who I like that I don’t want getting around.  _ I shifted on my feet, breaking contact before linking my arm with her’s. We were late. “Come on, Lupin will be curious where we were.”

 

Lupin was curious though, unlike Snape, he let us skulk into class without a big production. Just eyed us with a speaking glance that told us to see him after to explain. I nodded, letting him know I understood. We sat in the very back, listening as we dug out our textbooks, taking care as to not shuffle too loudly.

Today’s lesson was on Lethifold and I alternated between taking notes and sketching Lupin at the front of the class. I had long ago figured out that he was a Werewolf after having to write an essay on the beasts during one of the times Snape took over after a full moon. I could understand the reason behind not letting it become common knowledge. I didn’t even tell him I knew his secret. One did not speak of things aloud if they wanted it to not be known.

Camila and I waited for the others to flee the room before approaching the front. I fiddled with my fingers, twisting and untwisting them in front of me. I hated being in trouble with my professors, it felt like being scolded by my parents and that always left me feeling sick to my stomach.

Lupin perked on the edge of his desk, watching in that calm way of his that no doubt hid a raging forest fire below the surface.

“We’re sorry, Professor Lupin,” I blurted a couple seconds later. “We were in potions and got delayed.”

Camila shot me an amused look. “Professor Snape made Amortentia and we both wanted to smell it.” I dreamy sigh as she remembered. “Raindrops and apples.”

Lupin, smiling fondly at my friend like she was adorable, turned to me. “And you, Miss L/N? What did you smell?”

I froze. “Herbs, musky books, and male sweat.” I mumbled, after deciding the scents to be innocuous enough to not reveal the person I so desired. It could well be another student or even a muggle.

I flushed when they both seemed to just stare at me in puzzlement. I went back to staring at the walls. Was it really that odd?

“Right then, off you two go. Don’t be late again or I’ll have to give you detention.” Lupin warned.

“Yes, sir.” Camila answered for both of us before we hurried from the room.

 

The time until lunch seemed to drag on for hours longer than it should’ve. I tapped my fingers, bounced my leg, all to keep myself from obsessing over what was to come. I felt like I’d drunk an entire pot of coffee and now had the nervous energy of a child after a five-pound bag of Halloween candy.

I pretty much bolted from class the moment it ended to all but run to the bathroom where I spent the minutes until Camila’s arrival pacing while listening to Myrtle cry in her toilet. I felt for her, I did, but her sobs were so not helping my own state of mind at the moment..

“Myrtle, do you have to do that right now? You’re making anxious.” The girl in question floated into the main area, looking disgruntled.

“Well,” she huffed, sniffling. “Of course. Who cares about Myrtle? I’m already dead. Nobody needs to worry for my feelings. It’s not like I matter anymore—”

“Myrtle, all due respect, please shut up. Any other time and I’d let you vent but right now is not the time.” I cut her off with an annoyed look.

“Ooh, you’re all fired up. What happened?” She asked, interested in my meltdown.

“Y/N?” The door opened and Camila came inside, letting the door shut behind her. “What did you want to tell me?”

“I-I, wait.” I took out my wand to cast the silencing charm around us as an added precaution

Camila raised her eyebrows. “You actually don’t want anyone else knowing.”

I shook my head. “Cam, you can’t ever tell. This securt could possibly ruin two lives and I can’t do that to him.”

“I promise. Y/N, you’re scaring me.” And I could see the truth of that in her eyes. She was scared; for me. I took a deep breath.

“I-I’m in love with our Potions Professor.” I studied the floor, not able to look up at her as I bared my soul. “I love Severus Snape.”

Camila just sort of stared, confused. Then I saw comprehension dawn on her. “Amortentia. That’s why you went bright red.”

I bit down on my lip. “It was the first time I knew what he smelled like.”

“Herbs, musky books, and male sweat.” She smile slightly. “Guess you would have to be in love to find that sexy.” I laughed at her attempt at a joke.

“So, you’re okay? I mean, that I never told you?” I watched her face carefully for a sign that she was upset.

“Nah. You had your reasons and it was a damn good one.” She paused, tilting her head to the side just a bit. “Well, I am curious about why you fell for him out of everyone else.”

I flushed. “Cam, he’s not as bad as people seem to think. Yes, he tough but he’s also fair. He has high standards for his classes because he wants them to succeed. He’s biased to his house just like Flitwick, McGonagall, and Sprout. That’s human nature.”

“Yeah but, he’s always mad about something. I don’t think I’ve seen him smile in six years.” I shook my head.

“He’s not angry. Severus is broody, sarcastic, and snarky as hell but rarely is he truly angry. There’s… a deep sadness inside him. Like he’s lost something he knows he’ll never get back. So much pain in his eyes. It hurts me to see it so imagine what it does to him  _ inside. _ ”

“Umm, are you sure your talking about the same Potions professor? This is the same Snape that told that Weasley boy in our class spend less time socializing outside of class.” Camila pointed out.

“Have you seen his homework? It’s barely half right on a good day. “ I rolled my eyes. “He needs to start applying himself or he’ll never never pass.”

Now she rolled her eyes. “Fine. You win. Snape is faultless.”

I shook my head. “Nobody perfect. Love isn’t being blind to a person's faults. Love is being able to look past the faults to see the person inside. I know Severus has faults.”

She grimaced. “Can you stop calling Snape Severus, please? It’s weird.”

I smirked. “It’s just his name.”

“Yeah, but he’s a professor and I —unlike you— aren’t in love with him.”

I chuckled. “Fair enough.”

We shared a smile. 

“So, any more questions or should we go to lunch?” I asked, taking out my wand to cast the counter spell.

“I’m good for now. Let go eat.” She looped her arm with mine as we left Myrtle’s bathroom.

As we headed down the corridor, I felt a weight lift from my shoulders. I never realized how stressed I was about keeping my feelings from Camila. Now it was like a wall was gone from between us. A wall that I kept up all these years out of fear of what she would say. I knew now how silly that was. She wasn’t judging me and she never would. 

 

That night as I prepared for bed I was grinning. “Hey, Cam?”

“...Yeah?” She asked around a yawn.

“I love you like the sister I’ve always wanted. You know that?”

“Of course, I do. Love you too, Y/N.” We shared a smile as we entered our room to crawl under the sheets for the night.

That was when I saw it. A small folded note underneath a two inch vial with cork in it. Heart beating triple time, I held the vial of pearly while liquid beneath my nose. My eyes closed at the scent surrounding me.

_ Amortentia. _

Carefully, without setting the vial down, I opened the note and read the words in a handwriting I knew well. I read it almost every day… on my Potions homework. It wasn’t signed. The note held only five words resting in the middle.

_ Do not tell a soul. _


	10. Timing is Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You are a sixth year student at Hogwarts set in the modern time (IE. computers, phones, and so on) You have a crush on Snape but no one knows. You come from a Muggle family that wants you to go to Art school after Hogwarts. You're good at Charms and Defense Against the Dark Arts but your best subject is Potions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry. I know it's been a while and I never meant to make you guys wait so long. But I've busy with work and job hunting since Sears is closing and I'll be out of a job soon. That and I'm dealing with some drama in my own life right now that's killing my creativity. Wish me luck and here's the chapter you've all been waiting for.

On my last day of detention, Tyler caught up to me while I was heading to meet Snape. His hair was mussed and the button down shirt he wore was undone all the way to reveal the white tank underneath. He grinned, cat-like laziness in his eyes.

“Hey,” The boy that was a friend greeted me. “So, how do you think you did on the exam in Charms?”

I shrugged. “Fine. More or less. What about you?”

He shrugged. “Not my best class but I do okay. I’m not like you. You’re good at everything.”

I felt the blush scorch across my cheeks. “If you saw how hard I study for Arithmancy you would never say that. I’m barely getting top marks.”

“But you  _ are _ getting top marks.” He shook his head, a small grin playing on his lips. “Y/N, you’re so amazing. You’re smart, funny, caring. And you’re so modest. All the other girls here pale in comparison.”

I bit my lip. I didn’t like the look in his eyes. That cloudy far away look that spoke of deeper emotions than friendship. Inside I flinched. I didn’t want him to say it out loud. To confirm the rumors around the halls and force me to hurt him by telling the truth. I didn’t want to hurt Tyler. He was a great friend and chatting with him had always managed to put a smile of my face.

It that moment, I wished that I was normal. That I respected Snape as professor and nothing more. I wished that my heart didn’t beat faster, my breath didn’t catch, my belly never fluttered in the presence of my broody professor. If I liked someone like Tyler then Camila and I could stay up at night gushing about this exact moment. We could double date to the ball, choose our dresses together. She wouldn’t wince every time I brought Severus up in casual conversation or when she caught me watching him too closely during class.

“Uh, so… I was wondering.” He shoved his hands in his pockets while rocking back on his heels.

_ Oh, no. Please, Tyler, don’t do this.  _ “Tyler, wait, I—”

“Y/N L/N, will you go to the Yule ball with me?” He blurted out. My heart sank.

“Mister Candon, unless you wish to join Miss L/N in detention, run along.” My back stiffened even as my pulse fluttered.

Tyler blanched. “Uh, sorry, Professor. I’ll talk to you later, Y/N?”

I nodded, dreading that talk. “Yeah, sure. Later…”

The smile that flashed across his face told me all I needed to know. The boy wasn’t going to give up. When he was gone, I let out the breath I’d been holding. “Bloody hell.”

The hair on the back of my neck prickled.

I flushed when I remembered the man that stood behind me. Heart pounding so loud I thought he would be able to hear it, I turned to find him only a bear few centimeters away. My breath caught, eyes flying to meet his while chewing on my lower lip.

His eyes were dark, unreadable, as he stared down at me. My skin prickled across my flesh. The brown orbs I fell for all those years ago seemed to be fixed on my face. We stood like that for, I didn’t know how long. So close but not close enough. I felt like everything I felt, thought, and dreamt was playing on loop in my eyes. I felt exposed. I wanted to look anywhere else but I couldn’t.

Severus Snape’s gaze was a prison I had willfully and happily locked myself into and thrown away the key.

Footsteps in a nearby corridor brought him back and his poker face returned. A pang struck my chest as I laced my fingers behind my back. “I expect your list to be on my desk afterward.”

I followed him the storeroom, waiting as he unlocked the door. “Yes, Professor.”

I couldn’t look at him as I passed but in the small confines of the room, I caught his scent again. Eyes closed, I let myself fall into his scent for a moment. Let it take me away to a land of lust and love. My fingers tightened on the strap of my messenger bag. I decided to indulge myself this once.

I turned towards the dark-eyed man still in the doorway. A hot flush covered my cheekbones. “Have you always  wanted to be a professor?”

One question. That was all I was allowing myself. I couldn’t trust that I wouldn’t slip and give away too much.

Despite that, I expected him to snap at me. To tell me it was none of my business right before he stormed away. What I didn’t expect was the faraway glaze that came over his eyes. I recognized the look at once. He was both with me and not with me.

“No.” He murmured minutes later as he still looked lost in the past. I waited, not wanting to force him back to the present yet. This side of Snape was special. So few ever saw it and I studied the lines of his expression. The shine of his eyes. The pink tint to his cheeks.

I bit my lip as a lock of hair fell over his forehead and I itched to brush it behind his ear. “Why did you become one?” I didn’t mean for the question to slip out but I wanted to know what drove him to become a professor if it wasn’t what he wanted as a boy.

Before he could respond, footsteps echoed in the corridor again and this time voices followed. His face closed off like a curtain in front of a window. The broody professor was back, the man hidden once more.

“I will be in my office.” Turning on his heel, I watched his broad shoulders disappear from sight.

I sighed. I was so close. So bloody close to unwrapping another layer from the man of many mysteries.

 

I knocked on Snape’s door, notes in hand and heart beating like a hummingbird. Snape’s office was no mans land, only seen when one was in trouble with the man himself. I took a deep breath to calm myself before giving it up as a lost cause. The only thing bigger than this would be if I was seeing his bedroom for the first time.

My face tinted from that mental image just as the door opened to find me face to face with the pretty boy vampire that was still a hot topic in the gossip circles at Hogwarts.

Alexander, however, looked as surprise to see me standing there as I was. His black eyes took me in from head to toe, making me feel like he could see deeper. I forced my eyes away from him to the rest of the room. Snape sat behind his desk, Dumbledore sat in a chair in front of said desk. All eyes were on me. I gulped, going from slightly pink to burning red in seconds.

“I, uh, I finished the list, Professor.” I mumbled, barely above a whisper.

He nodded, holding out his hand and I quickly walked into the room to hand it over. “You may return to you common room now, Miss L/N.”

I nodded, and Alexander closed the door after I’d stepped out. I let out a breath. Detention was over. The only times I’d now see Severus Snape were in class and in the Great Hall. I should have been happy. Distance was what I needed to continue to hide the truth of my feelings. I’d already slipped, asked too many questions. Watched him too long. Fallen for him too hard.

It wasn’t the right time for him to know. It may never be the right time. But, if I did decide to tell him, I wanted the timing to be perfect. And with him being my professor, that timing wasn’t now. No matter what my heart wanted.


	11. New Friends With Pointy Teeth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You are a sixth year student at Hogwarts set in the modern time (IE. computers, phones, and so on) You have a crush on Snape but no one knows. You come from a Muggle family that wants you to go to Art school after Hogwarts. You're good at Charms and Defense Against the Dark Arts but your best subject is Potions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this one is a little shorter than the others but I still hope you like it. Enjoy!

Camila was with Nick in Hogsmeade the next Saturday when I hunkered down in the Library with my textbooks, notebooks, and MP3 player to get ahead on my studies. I lasted a good two hours before my sketchbook was open and I was drawing the faraway gleam in Snape’s eyes from the night before.

I didn’t know how long I stayed like that but when I looked up again after I was finished, the sun had moved in the sky and my stomach growled, demanding food. A peek at the time showed that I’d missed lunch and dinner was still a while off. Sighing, I gathered my books and headed for the kitchens. The House Elves would probably have something I could munch on.

I knew it was wrong, but I want to avoid Tyler and his friendship-changing question as long as I could. After detention last night I’d claimed tiredness before stealing away to my chambers. This morning I’d skipped breakfast to hide in the library. Camila texted me that Tyler wanted to speak to me and I begged her to not tell him where I holed up. I was being a coward because I was afraid. I would tell him soon; I just didn’t know how to yet without hurting him.

I watched the House Elves scurry around the kitchens as I nibbled on cheese and bread while reading ahead in Potions. I wanted to be ready when we started the  _ Elixir to induce Euphoria _ and  _ Felix Felicis _ . I took careful notes before I heard the door open again to announce that I was no longer along.

Glancing up, I stared. Eyes wide with my disbelief. Alexander Heathwood stood before me looking hot as hell in the dark levi jeans and a plain dark blue tee shirt. He turned then to speak to a House Elf and the view he displayed was pleasant, to say the least.

When my thoughts turned and settled on what Severus would look like in jeans I knew I was good and gone. I forced my gaze away from the eye candy vampire and back to my notes. Images that shouldn’t be still dancing in my mind and I bit down hard on my lip, hoping the pain would get me back on track. It didn’t.

I groaned under my breath. I’d have to finish later when there were less distractions afoot. Meaning no vampires in jeans that make me imagine another man in jeans. I closed my book and packed everything save for my sketchbook into my messenger bag before I tucked into my food.

I’d only just taken a bite when the stool beside me was pulled out and I caught the scent of expensive colonel and fresh rain. It wasn’t a bad combination for him. We both sat in silence for a few minutes before I finally broke and snuck a peek at him from the corner of my eye to see him staring at me.

I swallowed the piece of bread in my mouth before I spoke. “What?” I asked when he didn’t look away. 

He blinked. “Nothing. You just seem wholly disinterested in my being here. It’s actually nice not be stared at all the time.”

I winced at the truth in his statement. The student body of Hogwarts had never seen a vampire outside of their DADA textbooks and some of the girls seemed very willing to offer up their necks for his sustenance. Mainly, I just pretended not to notice all the lingering eyes and dopey smiles.

“Actually, now I think of it, you only seem to stare at me when you have that black book out.” I watched his eyes flick to where it sat beside me on the counter and I raised a hand to place it over the cover. He smirked. “Keeping secrets, are we?”

I arched a brow. “Only the ones that are mine to keep.”

His smirk morphed into a full grin. “I like you.”

I rolled my eyes but couldn’t stop the grin that brushed my own lips. “You’re pretty okay, for a vampire.”

Tossing his head back,  he hooted with laughter. “Oh, yeah. I  _ really  _ like you.”

I shook my head, amused at his dramatic personality. “You just like me for my quips.”

“Isn’t that the first step?”

“Maybe, Vamp boy. Maybe…”


	12. Words I Couldn't Say

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You are a sixth year student at Hogwarts set in the modern time (IE. computers, phones, and so on) You have a crush on Snape but no one knows. You come from a Muggle family that wants you to go to Art school after Hogwarts. You're good at Charms and Defense Against the Dark Arts but your best subject is Potions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much to say. As always, comments are welcome. Tell me what you think. I'd love to hear from you all.

Dinner that night was… interesting.

Camila’s eyes bugged out of her head when I told her of my almost-friendship with Alexander. She couldn’t keep her eyes from darting to and from at I relayed the tale of our time in the Kitchens, omitting certain thoughts that she wouldn’t want to know—like how seeing the vampire in jeans awoken a desire to see our Potions Master in a similar state. She did, however, seem the enjoy the part about how a 160-something year old vampire didn’t like to be in the spotlight and I had to admit, it was kind-of amusing. One would’ve thought that after walking the earth so long, he would be over things like shyness.

It’s humanizing, really.

“So, while Nick and I were down in Hogsmeade you were here avoiding Tyler and making nice with a vampire. God, why am I never around when all the good stuff happens?”

I snorted. “Because you love your boyfriend and would rather spend time with someone you can snog.”

She rolled her eyes. “Really though, why do I miss all the excitement? It’s no fair.”

“There’s plenty more drama around here, Cam. I swear, the social scene of Hogwarts is a worst minefield than the Soap Operas Mom likes to watch.” I snickered.

She smiled. “True. Luna and Draco are fighting, you know?”

I raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t. What happened?”

She shrugged. “Neither will say. Honestly, I think they rushed it. Should’ve done the friend thing first.”

“What did—“ I cut off abruptly when Tyler slid into the seat beside me. I stiffened.

“Hey, Y/N.” Tyler greeted, smiling at me. I bit my lip, not at all ready for this. “I didn’t get a chance to talk to you all day. How are you?”

The question he was really asking was in his eyes. _Will I say yes and go with him to the Yule ball?_ I had to look away. His eyes were pleading with me to agree, begging me to like him the way he liked me. And I couldn’t.

So, I did the only thing I could. I avoided his gaze and pretended not notice the question shining within. “Fine. How was your Saturday?”

Camila shot me a disapproving look while Tyler wasn’t paying attention. I flushed guiltily, watching my meal as if it might do tricks.

“It was great! I called my parents and caught up with my little brother. He’s so psyched to attend Hogwarts next year. Hard to believe just a few years ago that was us.”

I felt my lips pull up in a small grin. “

I’m happy for both of you.”

His eyes turned shy. “Oh, I told him about you. About how smart and talented you are. He’s excited to met you next year too.”

I paled, stomach dropping out to fall to the floor. Oh, Merlin. “Ah, well—“

“So, Tyler, Nick and I were thinking about getting a group together and going to the ball together. We’d have a lot more fun if we were with our friends. No dates required. What do you say?” Camila interrupted.

He grinned. “Thanks, Cam. Sounds like fun but I’ve already asked someone. She hasn’t answered yet but I’m sure she’ll say yes. We’re friends and I…I like her a lot.”

Camila and I shared a look. Mine was panicked and her’s was concerned.

I took a deep breath, building my courage. I met his gaze. “Tyler, about what you asked me last Friday, I—“

“Yeah, Y/N?” His eyes got all big with hope and excitement. I bit my lip, wishinghe wouldn’t look at me like that. “What about it?”

I opened my mouth to tell him, planning to let him down as gently as possible. Instead, what came out was, “Tyler, I… would be honored.”

The smile that broke across his face, broke my heart. I had a feeling not being able to say no would bite me in the arse one day. “Sweet, Y/N.”

I froze when his arms wrapped around me in hug. He smelled like cologne and broomsticks, not uncommon for someone on the Gryffindor Quidditch team and yet… it wasn’t the scent I craved.

I pulled back after a quick—and awkward on my end—pat on the back. I felt terrible for the look of complete devotion on his face. I knew I was lame for not being able to tell him and the roiling in my gut admitted the same thing.

Tyler gripped my hand as I fought not leave the room. The ball was in two weeksafter that I’ll just tell him I’d like to go back to being just friends. And who’s to say he wouldn’t want that too. It was a dance, not a marriage proposal. I’ll go with Tyler to the dance, keep it as friendly as possible and after we’d return to how things were before.

Camila and Nick watched us, surprise and confusion on their faces. “Uh, are you two going to the ball together now?” Camila asked, no doubt as dumbstruck as I was.

Tyler beamed, back to his cool and confident self. “Yep. Can’t wait.”

I barely withheld a sigh of dismay, part of me wondering if I could tell myself something enough to make it true.

Determine to keep everything on one side of the line, I unclasped our fingers and smiled so I didn’t hurt his feelings. Hand holding was different with a boy. “Should be fun.” _Maybe. Hopefully._

I grimaced as soon as Tyler’s attention was off me. What a mess.


	13. In The Snow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You are a sixth year student at Hogwarts set in the modern time (IE. computers, phones, and so on) You have a crush on Snape but no one knows. You come from a Muggle family that wants you to go to Art school after Hogwarts. You're good at Charms and Defense Against the Dark Arts but your best subject is Potions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is longer than the last few I posted. I hope you'll enjoy. As always, comments are welcome. I love hearing from you all. Merry Christmas and happy holidays to everyone! Please consider this an early Christmas present from me to you.

The night of the Yule Ball came along far too quickly for my liking. I knew I would have to tell Tyler I wanted to go back to being friends afterwards and the way to do that had been escaping me for the past two weeks. I couldn’t hurt him, that wasn’t an option. I still wanted to be friends, that wasn’t a question. I just didn’t want more than that...

“Y/N, are you ready?” Camila’s voice snapped me out of my inner musings. I blinked, focusing back on her.

“Wow, Cam. You look…” I trailed off, searching for the right word before settling on, “beautiful.”

She actually looked better than beautiful. Her long blonde hair was swept up in an elegant style that made her look older than her sixteen years. The blue dress sent to her by her mother matched her eyes perfectly. Her heels, the same shade as the dress, were low kitten ones that were comfortable enough that she would be able to dance all night if she chose to.

She grinned. “Thank you, Y/N. You too look fabulous. Your mom has superb taste.”

I grinned back, nodding my agreement. 

When I’d told Mom about the dance and that I had a date she got all excited and said she would sent a dress for me to wear. I couldn’t bring myself to tell her I only saw him as a friend. I loved my parents; knew they loved me, but though I never told them about how I was in love with my professor I knew they knew I had given my heart out to someone that didn’t return my affections. It was an unspoken knowledge that wasn’t ever voiced.

The dress Mom chose was a simple knee-length dress with lace sleeves and matching flats. The outfit was the same color as my e/c eyes. I twirled a little in front off the mirror, loving the way the skirt floated around me. With my hair done in simple curls that fell to framed my face, I felt like a princess.

“She did pick a good one, didn’t she? I just love it!” I gushed.

“It’s as lovely at you. Come on, the boys await.” Looping her arm with mine she handed me my clutch, picked her clutch up from her bed, and we smiled as we head down to meet the them.

  
  


Camila and Nick barely noticed us once they were together, lost in their own world. Tyler and I were left to entertain ourselves. When he dragged me onto the dancefloor I made sure to keep a friendly gap between our bodies. Tyler didn’t even seem to mind the space. He was happy to just be holding me as we danced. 

He was an okay dancer. He didn’t sweep me across the floor but he also didn’t step on my toes. When the song ended and he asked if I wanted to dance again, I shook my head. I should’ve said no when he asked me the first time but I was weak and I thought if I forced things to stay friendly he wouldn’t be hurt as much after I asked if we could just be friends. 

I was wrong. As we danced, and I  watched his eyes on me, it was a constant reminder of his feelings.  He was in love with me and I was in love with Severus. If this wasn’t so painful it might’ve been funny. Tyler and I were great friends and would probably make a good couple and yet it didn’t matter because my heart belonged to another. To someone that couldn’t return my feelings. We had so much in common, including that we gave our hearts to the wrong person.

“Tyler, can we go for a walk? We need to talk.” I whispered, not wanting to tell him in front of our peers but knowing it couldn’t wait any longer.

Tyler’s eyes lit up like I just declared my undying love. “Of course.”

My heart leapt. “Thanks, Tyler.”

We ended up outside in the snow. He offered me his jacket, I declined, he tried to put his arm around me, and I shrugged away. I stopped in front of the carriages, contemplating how to broach the subject. I gnawed on my lower lip, twisted my hands behind my back, and avoided his gaze. 

I took in a deep breath. “Tyler, I—”

“Don’t like me the same way I like you.” He finished, cutting me off. “It’s fine, Y/N.”

My lips parted, no sound coming out.

He shook his head. “You’re bad at pretending but thank you.”

I blinked. Then blinked again. “For what? I-I lied to you. I should’ve told you when you first asked. Tyler, I’m so sorry—”

“It’s okay, Y/N. I know your heart was in the right place. I meant, thank you for coming to the ball with me. Even if you don’t like me that way, it was still fun to be with a friend.”

My heart stopped. “You still want to be friends?” I dared to hope. I didn’t want to lose him completely but I would’ve understood. 

He looked away for a moment, hands shoved in his pockets. “It won’t be the same. I mean, now you know and I can’t hide it anymore. There will always be apart of me that wants more between us but yeah, I still wanna be friends.”

I smiled so big my cheeks ached. “Really?”

His crooked grin was back. “Yeah.”

Unable to help myself, I threw my arms his neck in a hug. “Thank you.” I whispered into the crook of his neck.

His arms went around my waist as his breath shuddered out above my head. I pulled back, awkwardly wrapping my arms around myself. Both for warmth and just something to do with my arms.

“Sorry.” I was back to biting my lip.

“Want to go back inside and find Cam and Nick?” He asked, changing the subject.

“Yeah, but not right now. You go ahead and I’ll be in shortly.” In truth, I really didn’t want to at all. It was loud and crowded inside. Maybe it was colder out here but at least I wasn’t surrounded on all sides.

He frowned. “You sure?”

“Yeah. Go on. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

He nodded. “Okay. See you in a few.”

I waited until he was gone before I slumped against one of the carriages. Well, it was done. Tyler knew I didn’t like him as more than a friend and he agree to go back to just being friends. I should have felt relieved to have that problem solved and I did. And yet, there was an ache in my gut that said something wasn’t right.

I blew out a breath. On the surface there was no reason for it. Everything was fine.

“Now what would a Hufflepuff like yourself be doing out here on a night like this?” A voice asked, sounding like gunshot in the quiet air. 

I jumped, not expecting to find anyone else around here. I glanced up at the voice, even though I didn’t need look to know who was there. Only one person could cause me to flush with just one quip. “Professor, you startled me. What are doing out here?”

“One could ask you the same question.” Snape replied, eyeing me from his greater height.

“I was just taking a few minutes to be alone. Crowds aren’t really my thing.” I confessed softly.

He watched me, as if measuring the truth in my words, but deciding he believed me. I didn’t really know how I knew he did. Later I’d be sure it was his eyes. The dark brown orbs that were always a little sad. I kept my eyes locked on his for as long as I could be the cold started to get to me and a shiver racked my frame.

His gaze narrowed. “Are you going to stay out here until you freeze to death?”

My cheeks heated, I only just felt it over the chill. “No…” A breeze blew at me, ruffling my skirt. I knew I should’ve gone inside but I didn’t want to yet. We were alone. There were no other professors or students. I wasn’t in trouble. It was just him and me. A boy and girl.

He shifted over a few inches until his body blocked mine from the faint breeze. His blank expression didn’t slip and yet, his eyes told a story his lips couldn’t.  _ He cares. _ The battle not to smile was hard fought.

The move brought our bodies just a bit closer and I had a flashback to the night he gave me detention. Remembering him that close heated my blood now as much as it did then. As I watched from under my lashes, I noted the rosy glow to his cheeks as well. Was it just the cold causing the bright color or something more? Could he have been remembering that night as well? My pulse jumped, as if doing a small premature victory dance in my chest.

_ Idle down, Y/N. Don’t get ahead of yourself. _

Severus’ brown gaze never left my face. Questions swirled in the depths before he seemed to close off again. He stepped away. “Go inside, Miss L/N, before you catch a chill and wind up in the care of Madam Pomfrey.”

Rejection was ice in my veins. I nodded, feeling my heart sink.

As I turned, starting to walk away, I just barely caught a whisper on the breeze I was probably wasn’t meant to hear. “Good night, Y/N.”


	14. The Yule Ball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You are a sixth year student at Hogwarts set in the modern time (IE. computers, phones, and so on) You have a crush on Snape but no one knows. You come from a Muggle family that wants you to go to Art school after Hogwarts. You're good at Charms and Defense Against the Dark Arts but your best subject is Potions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey. So, I'm proud to present to you all, the next chapter. Hope you all like it. Comments are always welcome. Enjoy!

When I entered the Great Hall, still flushed and frozen, I had every intention of ducking in the bathroom for a few minutes to be alone. People smiled and greeted me as I weaved in and out of the crowd of dancers. I nodded, smiled back, pretended my heart wasn’t going mad inside me. Truthfully though, I was tied in knots. I was bubbling over with happiness, drowning in desire, lost in my own confusion, and whole lot of other emotions I couldn’t separate out. In the bathroom, I splashed cool water on my face, forced my heart to slow, and returned to the ball. I was never so glad for waterproof makeup in whole life.

Ten minutes after returning to the dance, I was watching Camila, Luna, and even Tyler spinning and having a great time. I was tempted to try sneaking back to the dorm to hide. This was fun, it really was, and yet…

“Are we being a wallflower tonight?” I looked up, mildly startled to see Alexander in front of me.

He looked handsome in his fancy suit that appeared straight from the 1800’s. I quirked a smile. “You look good.”

He rolled his eyes. “I was going to say that you looked stunning and all I get is good?”

I snorted. “Fine. You look handsome.”

“Better.” The smile in his eyes belied the grumble in his tone.

I felt a slight grin start to curl the corners my lips. “Aren’t you little old for the dramatics?”

He chuckle softly. “Ouch. You’re calling me old now? I’m hurt. How will I ever forgive you?”

It was my turn to roll my eyes. “What do you want?"

The tall, attractive vampire smiled huge and took a step back. He bowed while extending his arm towards me. “May I have this dance?” He asked, perfectly formal and proper. Like an english lord.

I shook my head, more amused than anything. “If I say no will you leave me alone?”

“Nope.”

More eye rolling. “Then, yes. You may have this dance.” I did a sloppy curtsey which caused him to beam at me.

“I knew you liked me.” He rose back to his full height and gave me his arm.

I wavered for a moment but let him lead me to the floor. My cheeks burned when I felt eyes on us from nearby couples. Alexander didn’t seem to notice though as he rest a hand on my waist and held my hand at shoulder height. He caught my eyes, held them.

“You okay?” I nodded. However, with my face still burning I didn’t make the mistake of thinking he believed the lie. One eyebrow arched.

Blowing out a breath on a sigh, I averted my gaze from his. “It’s just the eyes. I don’t like having people staring at me.”

The corners of his mouth turn down. “It’s not just that. Your energy is off.”

I bit my lip, wishing he’d drop it.

Instead he lowered his tone. “You don’t have to tell me now but later we’ll talk about why you’re down.”

I didn’t respond and we both fell silent.

As we danced, the others eventually stopped staring and found myself relaxing into him. A small smile touched my lips. “You’re a pretty good dancer for dead guy.”

“You’re a good dancer too…for a witch.” He smirked back at me. I laughed.

“Touche.”

The song switched to a more fast paced one and we shared a grimaced. We quickly found a way off the floor and over the drink table. Camila and Luna were already there and stared as we approached. I smiled at them.

“Cam, Luna.” I greeted.

“Hey,” they muttered, still staring.

“Girls, Alexander. Alexander, Cam and Luna.” I said, hoping they would stop looking at him like that.

“Nice to meet you both.” The amusement in his tone rang out loud and clear to me. He was bloody enjoying this.

The two of them just nodded. I thrust an elbow out, catching Camila in the ribs to jolt her back to life.

“Ouch. Uh, hi.” She said at last.

“Nice the meet you.” Luna added.

I decided it was time to change the subject. “Where are Nick and Draco?”

Camila flushed. “I don’t know. Draco said something about how he and Nick needed to talk ‘man to man’ and they left. I’m getting worried.”

I grinned at her. “Time for the brother-boyfriend talk already? I wish I’d known so I could’ve gotten front row seats.”

She pretended to scowl at me. “This isn’t funny,”

“Yes, it is.” I nudged her shoulder lightly. “Come on, you know he wouldn’t hurt Nick.”

“But Draco could scare him. I just wish—”

“Fathers, uncles, and brothers, are always going to threaten any man that wants to court their women. You are never going to win that battle, so don’t even try.” Alexander put in, a faint smile touching his lips and a far away gleam in his eyes.

“You speaking from personal experience?” I teased, knowing with how pretty he was it was more than likely.

“Actually, yes.” He smirked back at me. “Jealous?”

I scoffed, knocking into his shoulder with my own. “You wish.” I quipped, not even trying to hide my enjoyment with our banter.

The more the four of us spoke the more Luna and Camila relaxed around my new friend. I was glad. Though we just met, I knew I wanted him in my life as long as I could have him. He was...special. For a guy that’s been dead for two hundred years I liked how full of life he really was. All his charm and intelligence combined with his pretty face made him one hell of a package.

_Not that I’d ever tell him that. The boy was smug enough as he is._

“Look, Draco and Nick are back.” Luna smiled, her words pulling me from my inner musings. I checked over my shoulder to watch them approach. I smiled softly when our eyes met.

I knew the moment they locked eyes with each other because when that happened, Alexander and I fell away. It was just them in their own worlds. Luna and Draco. Camila and Nick. I smiled, not hurt that I’d been dismissed so quickly because I knew if that was me, then I would’ve done the same thing. It wasn’t personal. My friends were in love. Nothing to be angry about.

I grabbed Alexander by the arm to drag him away. “Lets leave the love birds to have their night.”

The two of us ended up leaning against the wall, watching everyone else spinning around having a great time. I was back to wondering if I could sneak back to the common room and slip into my pjs. I could already picture drawing until Camila got back or I went to sleep. Which reminded me that I needed to brew more Sleeping Draught soon.

“Y/N? Can I ask you something?” Alexander asked, interrupting my thoughts.

I blinked, surprised. “Sure. What?”

He turned towards me, voice dropping so low I just barely caught it. “How long have you loved him?”

My heart stopped. “E-excuse me?” I couldn’t have heard him right.

His gaze never wavered. “You heard me. I’m not asking to be an arse, I swear.”

“How long have I loved who?” I decided playing dumb was the key. Don’t confirm anything.

The look he gave me said he knew I was full of shit. The next words out of his mouth destroyed any hope I had of him being wrong or just fishing. “How long have you loved Snape.”

My eyes widened. How did he find out?

He shook his head. “I’m not blind and you wear your heart on your sleeve. You watch him when he’s near. Your skin turns rosy every time he speaks to you. Add in the way your heart beats faster, the way your pupils dilate, and how your scent deepens slightly and it was obvious.”

I just stared at him, blinking my disbelieve.

He nudged my shoulder. “How long, Y/N?”

“At least five years.” I whispered, the sound so soft that if it wasn’t for his enhanced hearing he wouldn’t have caught it.

First Luna, now him. God, who else was going to know next? Was I that easy to read for everyone? I felt an icy tendril of fear creep into my belly. What if others knew? The students, professors, Severus… I was going to be sick.

Hands gripped my shoulders as the world spun. “Calm. Be calm. Just breath.”

I followed the wise words. Slowly, the Great Hall stopped dancing and sat still again. The tendril reminded yet it wasn’t trying to move up my throat to halt my breath any longer. When I spoke, the words sounded hoarse. “Don’t tell. Please.”

I could feel myself trembling as the vampire I’d known for less than three months, brought me into the circle of his arms without hesitation. Alexander stroked a palm over the top of my head, murmuring nothings in my ear meant to settle me. It worked.

“I won’t, Little One. I won’t.” And I knew he wouldn’t. Alexander didn’t lie.

Letting my body relax against him, I let go of walls keeping me back from telling him everything. Somehow, though we hadn’t been friends long, Alexander stole a part of my heart. He was more than a friend to me. Alexander Cyrus Heathwood was family to me.

And I’d fight to keep him with me.


	15. The Effect of Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You are a sixth year student at Hogwarts set in the modern time (IE. computers, phones, and so on) You have a crush on Snape but no one knows. You come from a Muggle family that wants you to go to Art school after Hogwarts. You're good at Charms and Defense Against the Dark Arts but your best subject is Potions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I welcome your thoughts and hope you enjoy. It's 10:06PM my time as I post this and I'm tired and have class in the morning but I can't sleep while my brain is tossing and turning and flying away. I enjoyed writing the dream scene immensely, a nice pick me after the stress of classes and readying myself for finals. Wish me luck. (I'm going to need it)

_ There was an exam in Potions today and everywhere I looked students were frantically scribbling answers before time ran out. I watched them, not joining their desperate race for the end even if I knew I should be. The classroom seemed different somehow I couldn’t place my finger on how but it did. It might’ve been that Camila wasn’t beside me like she was every other day. Or maybe it was just that I didn’t remember walking into class at all. Whatever it was, it had had my hair standing up straight as my eyes trailed the room. _

_ When at last I glanced at the test, the page was blank. I frowned, turning the page over to find the same: nothing. My gaze swung to Severus but he was grading papers and not paying attention to the class at all. I looked back to the person beside me and noticed that while they were writing, the page was filled with the same squiggly lines used in cartoons to represent words. I looked back at Severus to find his eyes on me. My body warmed, face flushing deep crimson. _

_ “Gaze down, Miss L/N. It’d d\be a pity if you missed dinner from foolishness.” The man drawled in a mocking tone. _

_ “Sir, the paper is—” I tried to explain.  _

_ “An exam that is worth a large part of your grade. Silence.” Eyes falling to the desk out of habit, I realized I had no pencil. “Problem, Miss L/N?” _

_ I jumped at the sound of his voice so close. I gulped, then choked on my saliva. “Professor, I was just—” _

_ “Just staying after class to wash the used cauldrons.” He finished, still standing so close; too close; not close enough. I nodded a little as the prolonged eye contact caused me to feel a bit lightheaded. Breathe, Y/N. Breathe. _

_ “Yes, sir.” My voice sounded weird to my own ears. Breathier. I swayed towards him on the chair.  _

_ He caught me by my upper arms before I touched his chest. Before touched the material of his cloak. His head dropped. “Y/N.” He whispered. _

_ “Severus.” _

_ “Y/N” Again, his lips only inches from mine. Seconds from touching mine. I was shaking. “Y/N. Y/N. Y/N.” _

_ “Severus…” _

 

I felt the phantom brush before the world around me faded and I was gasping, jerking upright in my bed only to knock my head hard into Camila’s as she shook me awake from a dream that I would’ve wanted to continue for another ten minutes at least.

“Owch, Y/N! That bloody hurt.” Camila complained, cupping her forehead in her palm.

I would’ve snorted if not for the pain. “Your head isn’t exactly made from pillows, Cam. Merlin, that hurt.” I groaned, sitting up and flumbling for my wand. Once I had it, cast Episkey so her head would stop hurting. She than followed by casting it on my head. “Why were you trying to wake me up anyway?”

“Because you’re going to be late to breakfast if you don’t hurry.” She pointed out and I realized she was already dressed in her uniform. “I decided to let you sleep as long as I could since you’ve looked bit tired lately.” 

I winced. Because I had been tired lately. For the first time since I was I small I’d been falling asleep under my own power. The cause I had no proof of but I thought it might have something to do the love potion hidden under my pillow. His scent calms and settles my mind in a way nothing else ever had. Paradoxically, I also suspect the potion of being the cause of my recent fatigue. This wasn’t the first time I’d dreamed of raven hair and dark eyes, though it’d been worse since the ball. Funny, the reason I can sleep is also the reason I’m not sleeping well. 

“I’m fine, Cam. Thanks for waking me.” I smiled, squeezing her hand before heading to to the showers.

The hot water was magical for waking me up and in only twenty minutes I was washed, dried, dressed, headed for the Great Hall for breakfast. Camila kept up a pleasant stream of chatter as we walked. I nodded and agreed when I was supposed to but my thoughts were on a constant loop to the dream. I felt bad for not paying attention but I was a lost cause this morning. I got worse in classes and worser still in potions. The dream was at the forefront of my mind and I flushed whenever anyone spoke to me. As if they knew they knew the nature of my thoughts.

When Camila and I walked into Potions later my stomach exploded with flutters, twisting and turning into so many knots that for a horrifying pulse-pounding moment I feared I would puke right there in the doorway. I knew I wasn’t breathing. Or moving since my feet felt nailed to the floor. I wanted to scream, laugh, cry, run, dance. I wanted a hug but I also wanted to curl into a small little ball in the corner. I was so full of emotion, a huge jumbled ball that was trying not to unravel and expose myself to my classmates.

In the end, it was Camila that helped me to our seats. It was my best friend that waved a hand in front of my eyes and brought my back down to earth. In that moment she was gravity, my anchor to reality.

“That must’ve been some dream if you’re still this affected by it.” She commented, bring out her textbook. Her eyes darted to front of the room and back to me. “Was it about…” She trailed off, not wanting or needing to finish. 

I nodded.

“You need to write a poem for him or something. I don’t care what, just get your feelings out so you can function again.” I frowned. She was right. I needed to do something. Having everything bottled up was turning me into a pressure cooker.

“I know. It’s been worse since after the night of the ball. Even my parents have noticed my preoccupation. They don’t know the cause but Mom’s convinced it’s a boy, though. Dad believes the same.” I sigh, dropping my head onto the desk to lay cushioned on my arms. “I don’t know how to get them to stop asking since I can’t lie to them. It’s not technically a boy and yet…”

“Boy or man. Same difference in this case. Still untouchable to you. Why don’t you just go back to taking the Draught? You still have half a bottle, it would solve the dream problem at least.” She was right. The Draught would help me sleep better but there were two problem with that. First, the Draught is for a deep, but temporary sleep and can still allow the drinker to dream occasionally. And second, I didn’t truly want the dreams to stop. I was closer the man of my dreams in my dreams and it was soothing a part of me that was never soothed.

I explained this to her and she sighed long and low.

“Just promise me that you’ll try to find an outlet for when while your awake. You’re currently jumpier than a Jumping Bean.” She begged.

I nodded. “I will. I promise.” 

The conversation ended then when the subject of it swept into the room, commending the attention before even parting his lips. I waited as my breathing returned to normal even if my cheeks still burned hot and red before flipping to a new page in my notes. I glanced up surreptitiously from under my lashes to watch him move around the room like a stalking cat. The gentle cadence of his voice both fired me up and calmed me. I could listen to him for hours, never tiring.

The gentle sway of his robes as he moved was hypnotic and with the scent of the potions room filling my lungs with each breath I felt my lids start the descent. I fought it but with how I’d been sleeping lately it all but impossible. I soon slipped into a light gentle slumber with my cheek nested in my palm.

Phantom voices echoed around me, the air currents shifting against my face, all starting to call me back an unknown amount of time later. I moaned softly, fighting the lure of consciousness. A dream was starting to form at the edges and I reached for it and all but wept when it remained out of my grasp. The proverbial carrot hanging for the horse. The dream had faded before even taking shape.

A loud thump startled me fully wake then and I nearly tumbled from my seat. Only my hand reaching to latch onto the edge of the desk save me. I blinked at the heavy tome that was now in front of me and had undoubtedly been the noise that jolted me awake. I looked past the book and froze. Black hair framed a face that was twisted with a scowl and annoyed brown eyes. My poor confused heart didn’t know if it should soar or sink.

“Five points from Hufflepuff for sleeping during class and you will come back after dinner to wash the cauldrons. Now get to your next class.” He ordered and I glanced around to find everyone else was gone. I felt my face get hot once again. 

“Yes, sir.” I jumped from my seat, not making eye contact out of shame, and quickly shoved everything into my bag, tucking hair behind my ear as I moved. “I apologize, Professor.” I mumbled before hurrying down the rows and tripping just before I got to the door.

My body laid sprawled out on the floor of the classroom with my stuff spilling out of my open backpack. I sighed, I thought I forgot something. Cursing my own idiocy, I started to push myself up and repack my bag. As I was rising to my full height, teetering before my balance returned, a pale hand with long fingers grasped my arm. The heat from his palm scorched my skin through my layers. Predictably, I felt heat rise to my face again. 

“Perhaps you may wish to be more careful lest you find yourself in the hospital wing under the care of Madam Pomfrey.” He muttered, not dropping his hand until I was stable.

“Thank you, Professor.” We were close again and for a moment I feared he would hear my heart pounding under my breast. 

I wanted to move closer but, after drawing in a breath and steeling my resolve, I took first one then two steps back until I reached the door. “I-I’ll see you after dinner, Professor.”

I let the door close behind me before I took off down the corridor in a dead run.


End file.
